Monday, December 3, 2007
This is a tale, a primeval tale, a tale of man versus his worst enemy: technology.
Let me start at the beginning...
My tale of woe begins about 5 hours prior in a kitchen far, far away from the quaint land of Minnesota. This kitchen is the domain of the Brave Sir Eric (or, BS Eric, a rather unfortunate acronym), who rules his land with ample fridge and stash of Pepsi. Our tale unfolds with the appearance of all innocence. Desiring a frosty and refreshing beverage to accompany his extremely tasty Turkey Stew, and upon earlier procuring the ingredients, BS Eric proceeds to show his drink mastery. From his room he removes the much-sought-after and justly paid for prize: a blender. His humble apprentice (possessing no talent of her own to be taken lightly) assisted by helping put ice in this noble contraption. Next, he took forth the bag of the finest frozen strawberries and also added them. Finally, he swigged in an unknown quantity of traditional of Mexico's finest beverage (for overage consumption...that is) to finish his potion.
His apprentice stood in awe of the quantity of ice and strawberries but thought herself too unskilled in the talent of mixology to dare question his knowledge of this dark art. Or perhaps she figured that his great trust in his contraption was surely warranted. Upon twisting the dial, the machine gargled to life, causing much noise and commotion. Soon, however, the assistant's fear was realized, when the great machine ground to a murmuring halt.
"No problem!" Her master proclaimed and showed her a secret beyond her wildest imagination-
"It has reverse!" With a great smile of confidence, the dial was again swirled and the machine sprang back to it's grinding.
Too soon, however, did it stop,forcing the master to call for his secret weapon: a spoon. Taking the great lid off the mighty machine (and making his apprentice really nervous) the BS Eric proceeded to unjam the concoction: whilst the machine still ran!
In total awe of his prowess, the apprentice could not but help feel the tiniest tinge of alarm...and was about to blurt out "Is that such a great idea?!?" When the inevitable occurred.
Which a loud "PLURPT!" the temperamental concoction gave a great surge and exploded out from the blender. By the power known to man only as "Karma," did the majority fling itself out to be attached to the persons of BS Eric and his humble assistant.
Momentarily did the apprentice loose her head and after not finding her master's camera, set about in a frantic effort to find his detergent (for stains are mankind's second primeval assailant) quite unaware of her master's condition. BS Eric, for his part, manfully held his eyes from watering - an unfortunate chemical reaction due to the potion's strength.
My tale has an ending that leaves room for it to be interpreted by the reader's will as either happy or sad. Whilst the shirts were restored to their former brilliance by swift attendance, the concoction was ruled to be undrinkable due to a rather high ethanol content. It was also found out that while BS Eric has had many seasons of prosperous kitchen management, his strength was not to be found in slushy concoctions. This was found to contain considerable irony to the apprentice, whilst she had mixed many a fine concoction in her brief life.
In all fairness, he did clean up after himself and it was hysterically funny at the time.