Monday, October 19, 2009

I'm Coming Home

Hi all,
I consider myself to be a pretty rounded and down to earth person. I'm sure I surprised a lot of people when I decided to come to Turkey, I surprised myself also. But it seemed as though it was too good of an opportunity to let go to waste. However, things are always more complicated than they first appear, aren't they?

The first major bump was finding out that it would be impossible to get a work permit. I tried to reconcile that with the fact that NO ONE gets a work permit here. It's a very long and nearly impossible business if you're just trying to stay for a year. The Host Parents assured me we could find another way, and then we hit the money snag. I have my whole life in front of me, financial legal troubles are the last thing I want or need.

Finally, there's the isolation/homesickness factor. I will allow that I am homesick. It's natural, and it's something I experienced before in Germany. However, there I had a solid support system of friends to lean on. I'd hoped to make friends in my course, but this presented problems as well. A lot spoke English, but also already had other friends. The majority are only staying for the length of the language course. Not to mention, I have no time outside of class to socialize - all my evenings and weekends are booked.

I can deal with the language barrier and the kids at home all right, and if that was the only issue, I think I would try to tough it out. But realizing that it could be a good 4-6 months before I could speak enough Turkish to try to really cultivate friendships around home was a very scary thought. I know I would feel as miserable as I do now, with no support system around to help balance my life. This would also effect the kids, and is not fair to my employers.

Essentially, it's all turned out to be, for me, a very difficult situation. Those who know me well, know that I consider myself to be a hard worker and not one who gives up easily. (My mother prefers to shorten that to "stubborn"). It's hard not to feel like a bit of a failure by conceding defeat, especially when I had such hopes. It also leaves me without a plan, something I'm not fond of. However, I know that once I'm home I can regroup and find something that will not make me miserable.

And, hey, now you won't have to feel guilty for missing posts...
Hope all is well,

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